So like I said last time, 10 things quickly became 24. As I was writing this one, it became apparent that several of the items overlapped so as to allow me to actually cut several of them. Which put me back at 21 total. This is the sum total of this list for now. I will continue to make mental notes when I come up with new ones, and if I get to 10 more I may write a part 3.
On a totally unrelated note, I have obviously not kept to doing 2 of these a week. The lists themselves have been pretty easy to do so far, but the narratives take more time than I appear to have handy. Hopefully I can keep to at least a once a week posting rate.
So here you go,
Philosophies that I want to pass on to my kids, items 11-21:
11. Keep a long view of things. Understand the power of time.
“God’s gears grind very slowly, but they crush every kernel.”
I don’t know who said that, but it’s one of my favorites. Your life is an infinitesimal blip in the history of civilization, much less the solar system or the cosmos. That’s not to say that you can’t affect the world - you can. And probably will. The point is, though, twofold: First, everything that you accomplish will be done on the shoulders of those before you. Don’t think that you have to re-invent every wheel. And don’t think that the things you do to affect the world have been done in a vacuum. Secondly (and really the point here) is that you will be the shoulders of those who come after you. Their path will be made much more easy if you understand that fact. Sometimes the world does change in an instant. Most of the time, though, it’s changed over multiple generations. If you come across an opportunity for instant change, certainly seize it. But don’t be discouraged if the change doesn’t happen as quickly as you expect. And more importantly, don’t waste your life waiting around for those opportunities. Whatever change it is that you want, grind those gears. You might not see that change in your lifetime, but you will have brought it one generation closer for those who come after you.
12. Keep a wide view of things. Understand ripples.
This one kinda piggybacks on to #11. Or maybe that one piggy-backs on this one, I’m not sure. Either way, the overriding theme is that you may not always see the effects of the actions that you take. Sometimes it will be because you are dead when the effects happen. Other times, it will be because you initiated a chain of events that culminated so far away from you that you can’t possibly know that you had anything to do with it. Even so, understand that you affect people and the world around you, even if you don’t intend to. What all of that means is, act intentionally. If every one of your actions has the potential (and even the likelihood) of affecting the people and world around you, then you should never let an action just happen. This kinda goes back to #7 (use your brain). Everything you do will shape the world. Shape it the way you want it to be shaped.
14. People are stupid.
It’s rule #1. I’m not sure how it fell all the way down to #14. Anytime in life you find yourself asking “why?”, there’s a decent chance that this is the answer.
If one were to order the human population by raw IQ, then divide that ordered list into equal population 1/10ths (1-10, 1 being dumbest, 10 being smartest), you would easily be a 10. Odds are, everyone that you will consistently interact with on a daily basis will also be 9s and 10s. Maybe an 8 here or there. You will most likely have zero concept of the actual intellectual capacity of a 5. But here’s the crappy part - there are far more people in the 1-7 slots than there are 8-10. By definition. All of which means, the world is FULL of people who are dumber than you can imagine.
Recognize that when you’re dealing with a member of the general public, he is most likely dumber than a brick. Do not expect more; you will be consistently disappointed (and/or angered) if you do.
15. Decide what your world view is and what you believe in before you have to.
Avoid making decisions under pressure any time you can avoid it. Making decisions under stress sucks. It’s always better to have made the decision before you’re put in a position to have to implement it. Life is full of choices (see tradeoffs and risk asymmetry). You are going to have to make them every day. The difficult choices will inevitably be the ones that you have to make right now. If you have time to examine the issue, take into consideration all tradeoffs, and make a rational choice, it’s not difficult. So why not examine the difficult issues before they become an imperative decision? Decisions made on a moment’s notice without the opportunity to consider are high risk. Remove the risk - decide early. You won’t always think of everything (or rather, you won’t think of every possible tough decision early enough to make an ‘early’ decision), but for each time you’re able to figure something out before life forces your hand, you will have gained a huge advantage on life.
16. Life is far easier if you play from ahead.
This is kinda self explanatory. It applies to your physical body - it’s always easier to get in shape when you’re young and then stay there when you’re old than it is to try to get in shape when you’re old. (Or so I’ve been told - I’m still young). It applies to money - the borrower is slave to the lender, and the deeper the debt hole is, the tougher it is to get out. It basically applies to everything. A small sacrifice early in life in comfort or fun or even just an hour of extra work when you’d rather be lazing on the couch will pay dividends later in life. So get ahead early.
17. Think, don’t feel.
It’s one of my pet peeves. “I feel that <pick your favorite personal belief>”. No you don’t. You think that. That simple misstatement, though, is indicative of a widespread problem - people have a very difficult time distinguishing (or even understanding the difference between) thoughts and emotions. Thoughts at least presume to be rational. Thoughts can be the basis of a discussion or a debate. Thoughts are a pretty good basis for making a decision. As soon as think turns into feel, though, all basis for the use of reason ends. Emotions don’t have to be rational. Most of the time, they’re not.
People switch from thinking into feeling when they lose all reasonable support for thinking whatever they do. It’s an unassailable fallback position when reasonable thinking arguments fail. I can explain to you why your thinking is wrong; it’s pretty hard to make an argument that you are having an incorrect emotion. And it doesn’t just work that way in arguments with other people. People pull this trick when arguing with themselves (also known as making a decision) all the time. You might know that you’re about to do something stupid, but you do it anyway because it feels good. The point is not that feeling good is bad, the point is that whether it feels good or bad is not relevant. The argument (internal or external) should be won based on what you think, not how you feel.
18. Be honest with yourself. (Continually self examine and never be afraid to admit that you were wrong).
Paths to success are wide and varying. Most of the time, they involve a good bit of luck too. Paths to failure, on the other hand tend to be pretty consistent. But failure isn't all bad. Failure can be a learning experience - if you let it be so. Success rarely teaches anything or gives an kind of insight. There’s no such thing as “success analysis”.
But how can you learn from your mistakes if you don’t ever realize that you made them? How can you make sure next go-round works if you insist that last time’s failure was completely the fault of someone else? Here’s a tip - there is ALWAYS something that you did wrong. There there are missteps in the course of any endeavor, even when you ultimately succeed. Why would failure be any different? Realization of guilt, though, is the second step. Before you get there, you have to have examined your thoughts and actions. Lots of times this is the scary part, because you know you won’t like what you find. But when you make it a habit and get good at it (I haven’t done either), you will find that you catch mistakes earlier and earlier. Early enough at least to cut your losses and move on, hopefully even early enough to alter your decision making path before you incur any major sunk costs.
The other option, of course, is to continually lie to yourself. It usually feels pretty good (or at least, doesn’t feel bad like realizing fault would). The problem is, you will eventually start to believe your own lies. When you start believing your own lies, you effectively do the opposite of the failure analysis above. So instead of improving, you always stay in the same rut. While playing in the mud can be fun at times, I would still suggest option A.
19. If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
There’s no such thing as a moderate. It’s become popular in American politics circa 2000 A.D. to label one’s self as having this mythical ideology. You may as well label yourself a unicorn. Doing nothing might seem like you’re just not participating in the fight. But if you recognize an existing problem for what it is and refuse to be a part of solving it, you are simply aiding and abetting those who are “fighting” for the status-quo. In fact, that’s what status-quo is - stagnation. Refusing to push change is equivalent to working for stagnation. Sometimes stagnation is good - don’t take this to mean that something always needs doing. Quite often the opposite is the case. Or worse yet, the remedy is worse than the disease. There can even be situations wherein you believe that the disease will eventually implode on itself, so it’s better to let it be until it simply dies. But in any case, realize that you are taking a stand for one side or the other. Sitting around and watching (or even sticking your head in the sand) doesn’t absolve you of participation, it just puts you on the side of those who want to keep things the way they are.
20. Don’t waste emotional energy on anger. (The red-ass only hurts the one who has it).
As I basically implied in #17, emotions in general serve little rational purpose. But not everything in life is about reason. Sometimes you might need an irrational reason to go do something that you don’t really want to. Positive emotions can be good for their own sake (lower stress, makes you a nicer person, stuff like that). But anger is something that I have yet to find a purpose for. It doesn’t affect the object of your anger one iota. It simultaneously makes you miserable. And tired. And unfun to be around. It’s basically a lose-lose. -lose-lose-lose. Generally, you should avoid situations with all cost and no benefit.
21. Pass it on
I have no idea whether any of this will stick in your brain. I hope that I do a good enough job as a dad to at least pass some of the core of who I am on to you. But if I could have you absorb one thing, it would be this - pass your core on to your kids. And make part of that core be the passing on of your core. Be intentional about teaching them the things that you think are important. And make your kids understand that they should do the same with their own kids.
I’m still young, but I’ve learned (I think) a lot in the relatively few years since becoming an adult. If I can send you out into the world already knowing all of what I’ve learned, then you will already be ahead of the game. You can spend your life tweaking, augmenting, or discarding from a pile of worthwhile ideas rather than starting with a blank slate (or even worse, a bunch of garbage).
Your kids will learn from you. The question is, will they learn what you want them to learn? Before they can learn what you want, you have to figure out what you want to teach them. Then once you’ve figured it out for yourself, you have to go about teaching it to them while at the same time making sure that you don’t confuse them by behaving in a way that conflicts with that teaching. It’s not easy (or at least I presume it’s not - David is only 8 months old as of this writing), but I do think it’s worth it. Part of you will live on after you are gone. What part will it be? Make sure it’s what you want it to be.
