This list started with 10 items. As I went through it, I kept coming up with more. The current count is 22, but I'm going to keep the posts to 10 items. Part II of this one will come sooner or later. Some of these are related to one another, some are related to items that haven't been posted yet, and vice versa. Note that these are written as if written to my kids. So without further ado, brain washing items 1-10...
1. There are no solutions, only tradeoffs.
Any time you make a choice, you give up all of the things that are not that choice. It’s the economic concept of an opportunity cost - taking any one opportunity always forgoes another. When you inevitably encounter a problem in your life, understand that the problem is there precisely because there is a rational tradeoff to be made. If the cost/benefit was so out of whack that the answer was obvious, the problem would never be there in the first place. The house is dirty and needs to be cleaned. The lawn needs mowing. David needs some attention. The bills need to be paid. I need a nap. Which one to do? The car died, what kind should I buy? Should I buy a new one at all? Should a person buy a house? What should the world’s primary energy fuel be? None of them have a solution, only a tradeoff to be picked. And understand that the tradeoff that you might choose to make is not the tradeoff that someone else might choose to make. Different people have different priorities and different goals. Your mom decided to not have a career and to stay home with you instead. It wasn’t right or wrong, it was just a choice that she made based on what she wanted from life. Never accept the idea that there is a single solution to something. Any time you are presented with a “solution”, immediately start asking yourself what will be lost if that “solution” is adopted. You may ultimately agree, but at least make sure that you have weighed the costs.
2. Pick your spots.
I have hopes that you will live a long life. The problem with living a long life is that you will have many opportunities to screw up. And the longer you live, the more opportunities you will have. I fully understand this. I do not expect perfection (although you are genetically predisposed to it.) All I ask is that you make an effort to contain your screw-ups to things that do not endanger your own health or your own future.
3. If you're not on the inside, you're on the outside (If you cant find the sucker at the table, it’s probably you.)
It took me 30 years to learn this one. I used to think that everyone was greedy, but that stories of mass cheating were simply kooky conspiracy theories. It’s since become apparent that I was wrong. People are not out to create a world in which merit rises to the top and where being right is important. In the end, he who has the gold will make the rules, and the #1 rule of those with money is “keep the money.” If that requires cheating, lying, bribery, it doesn’t matter. Don’t live life under the mistaken impression that anyone will willingly lose money, power, or influence to you simply because you are smarter, more right, or just generally better than them in any way. Or even in every way. I’m not saying you should cheat - in fact, I don’t think you should. Unless you are on the inside, you won’t even be allowed to. I just want you to understand that everyone else probably is. And even if they’re not technically cheating, they’re still probably trying to screw you.
4. Life isn't fair (see #3).
I wasn’t sure whether or not to include this in #3 as a corrolary, but I decided not to, as it’s more of a broad-scope idea. I never want to hear the words, “that’s not fair” come out of your mouth. I’d prefer if they didn’t even cross your mind. Lots of things will happen in your life. Sometimes you will be lucky, other times not. But do not live life under the assumption that you are owed fairness or equity. Whether or not you believe that fairness is your right, it will never be something that you will always get. Your destiny is your own to create. It will not come about because it came about for someone else.
5. Understand randomness (Shit Happens).
Not everything happens for a reason. You don’t have to figure out why everything that happens, happens. Even if you try, you will probably be wrong. In the most likely case, you will convince yourself that you are right, regardless of whether or not you are. Because the truth is that most of what goes on in the world around you is randomness - or at least, indistinguishable from randomness. Maybe not random in the strict “has no underlying cause”, but definitely random in the sense of “could not possibly have been predicted or expected”. Humans have an inexplicable need to explain everything. If a friend dies in a car accident, we need to come up with a story about why the person at fault was driving crazy. If there’s a warm day in the middle of winter, we want to have a reason as to how that happened. It’s called narrative bias - coming up with a made-up story to explain something that happened after it has already happened. It gives us a feeling that maybe we could have done something differently or at least could have seen it coming. It’s closely tied in with hindsight bias - the propensity to see an event that you didn’t expect and to believe in hindsight that it was predictable. Don’t be afraid to attribute things to randomness. And understand that things will happen that you didn’t expect.
6. Understand Risk; Seek Positive Asymmetry.
Every time you decide to get out of bed in the morning, you undertake risk. You could fall and break your arm; you could fall and break your neck. When you drive down a 2-lane road, any one of the oncoming cars could cross the yellow lines and leave you in a head on collision at a 70mph speed differential. Risk is a part of life. As it turns out, it’s quite intertwined with #1 above - you engage in tradeoffs with risk every day, and you probably don’t even realize it. Just like any other cost involved in a potential tradeoff, risk is something that you should be compensated for taking on.
The interesting thing about it is, despite what financial types will want you to believe, risk and reward very rarely match up. Either you are being under-compensated for your the risk you are taking (say, the fun of drinking and then joyriding compared to the significant likelihood of killing yourself) or you are being wildly overcompensated for the risk that you are taking (getting out of bed in the morning compared to the extremely unlikely possibility of falling to your death). The key is to seek out the latter and avoid the former. Heads - I win; tails - I don’t lose much. Those are the scenarios that you want in life.
7. Use your brain (think before you act and speak).
Very rarely in life will you have to literally and simply react. The vast majority of the time, you will have the opportunity to think before you act or speak. Words and actions cannot be recalled. You are smarter and more intellectually capable than at least 90% of the population - use your advantage. If someone can make you speak or act without your using your most powerful tool, they have beaten you. If you lose because someone just beat you, that’s fine. But don’t beat yourself.
8. Trust nobody; question everything.
People lie. And most of the time it’s not even on purpose. People lie to themselves more frequently and more terribly than they do to other people. Even worse and more prevalent than the outright lie is the tricks our memories play on us. There is actual research showing that people’s memories of events will change over time based on their own personal biases toward the event in question.
Much of what passes for science these days is biased (or outright fraudulently represented) based on what results various funding organizations want to see. A significant portion of research is simply badly done - ridiculously small sample sizes, peer review that amounts to an awful joke (after all, if you want funding, you have to agree with the scientist who says what the funding agent want to see), badly misinterpreted statistics, the list goes on. And history, ugh. Go read a few primary sources on something as basic as the American revolution, and see if it agrees with what you were taught in school.
The point is, there’s a decent chance that most of what you hear - unless it’s hard, laboratory repeatable science, has a decent chance of being utter bullshit. Feel free to listen and read, regurgitate as necessary, but never discount that it might be completely incorrect.
9. Be a contrarian. (Don't do what everyone else does; winding up like everyone else sucks.)
Unless you want to be like everybody else, don’t do what everybody else does. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results every time. If you act like everybody else, you’re going to wind up like everybody else. Look around. You are already better than those people. Why in the hell would you want to be more like them?
One of the most productive things that you can do in life is to consistently fade the herd. When a crowd turns into a herd where there is no longer any opposition, it’s most likely that that crowd is doing something insane. Remember, people are stupid. Most crowds (and it becomes more true the more they all agree with each other) are the stupid leading the stupid. Don’t participate in stupidity.
10. There are no selfless acts.
Human nature is self-seeking. There's no escaping it. Even people who appear to be selfless are doing so out of self interest. At the very least, they are either acting out of some sense of guilt (avoidance of pain) or due to the fact that it makes them feel good. Whatever the reason, the motive for EVERY action is selfish in some way or other. It's not good or bad, it just is. And that's sorta the point - selfishness IS NOT bad. You should never feel bad about being selfish. Guilt is only as powerful as you allow it to be. When you refuse to agree that acting in your own interests is wrong, you can no longer be emotionally bullied or manipulated. Come to terms with the truth about the motivation of all human behavior, and you will be MUCH happier.
to be continued...
Any time you make a choice, you give up all of the things that are not that choice. It’s the economic concept of an opportunity cost - taking any one opportunity always forgoes another. When you inevitably encounter a problem in your life, understand that the problem is there precisely because there is a rational tradeoff to be made. If the cost/benefit was so out of whack that the answer was obvious, the problem would never be there in the first place. The house is dirty and needs to be cleaned. The lawn needs mowing. David needs some attention. The bills need to be paid. I need a nap. Which one to do? The car died, what kind should I buy? Should I buy a new one at all? Should a person buy a house? What should the world’s primary energy fuel be? None of them have a solution, only a tradeoff to be picked. And understand that the tradeoff that you might choose to make is not the tradeoff that someone else might choose to make. Different people have different priorities and different goals. Your mom decided to not have a career and to stay home with you instead. It wasn’t right or wrong, it was just a choice that she made based on what she wanted from life. Never accept the idea that there is a single solution to something. Any time you are presented with a “solution”, immediately start asking yourself what will be lost if that “solution” is adopted. You may ultimately agree, but at least make sure that you have weighed the costs.
2. Pick your spots.
I have hopes that you will live a long life. The problem with living a long life is that you will have many opportunities to screw up. And the longer you live, the more opportunities you will have. I fully understand this. I do not expect perfection (although you are genetically predisposed to it.) All I ask is that you make an effort to contain your screw-ups to things that do not endanger your own health or your own future.
3. If you're not on the inside, you're on the outside (If you cant find the sucker at the table, it’s probably you.)
It took me 30 years to learn this one. I used to think that everyone was greedy, but that stories of mass cheating were simply kooky conspiracy theories. It’s since become apparent that I was wrong. People are not out to create a world in which merit rises to the top and where being right is important. In the end, he who has the gold will make the rules, and the #1 rule of those with money is “keep the money.” If that requires cheating, lying, bribery, it doesn’t matter. Don’t live life under the mistaken impression that anyone will willingly lose money, power, or influence to you simply because you are smarter, more right, or just generally better than them in any way. Or even in every way. I’m not saying you should cheat - in fact, I don’t think you should. Unless you are on the inside, you won’t even be allowed to. I just want you to understand that everyone else probably is. And even if they’re not technically cheating, they’re still probably trying to screw you.
4. Life isn't fair (see #3).
I wasn’t sure whether or not to include this in #3 as a corrolary, but I decided not to, as it’s more of a broad-scope idea. I never want to hear the words, “that’s not fair” come out of your mouth. I’d prefer if they didn’t even cross your mind. Lots of things will happen in your life. Sometimes you will be lucky, other times not. But do not live life under the assumption that you are owed fairness or equity. Whether or not you believe that fairness is your right, it will never be something that you will always get. Your destiny is your own to create. It will not come about because it came about for someone else.
5. Understand randomness (Shit Happens).
Not everything happens for a reason. You don’t have to figure out why everything that happens, happens. Even if you try, you will probably be wrong. In the most likely case, you will convince yourself that you are right, regardless of whether or not you are. Because the truth is that most of what goes on in the world around you is randomness - or at least, indistinguishable from randomness. Maybe not random in the strict “has no underlying cause”, but definitely random in the sense of “could not possibly have been predicted or expected”. Humans have an inexplicable need to explain everything. If a friend dies in a car accident, we need to come up with a story about why the person at fault was driving crazy. If there’s a warm day in the middle of winter, we want to have a reason as to how that happened. It’s called narrative bias - coming up with a made-up story to explain something that happened after it has already happened. It gives us a feeling that maybe we could have done something differently or at least could have seen it coming. It’s closely tied in with hindsight bias - the propensity to see an event that you didn’t expect and to believe in hindsight that it was predictable. Don’t be afraid to attribute things to randomness. And understand that things will happen that you didn’t expect.
6. Understand Risk; Seek Positive Asymmetry.
Every time you decide to get out of bed in the morning, you undertake risk. You could fall and break your arm; you could fall and break your neck. When you drive down a 2-lane road, any one of the oncoming cars could cross the yellow lines and leave you in a head on collision at a 70mph speed differential. Risk is a part of life. As it turns out, it’s quite intertwined with #1 above - you engage in tradeoffs with risk every day, and you probably don’t even realize it. Just like any other cost involved in a potential tradeoff, risk is something that you should be compensated for taking on.
The interesting thing about it is, despite what financial types will want you to believe, risk and reward very rarely match up. Either you are being under-compensated for your the risk you are taking (say, the fun of drinking and then joyriding compared to the significant likelihood of killing yourself) or you are being wildly overcompensated for the risk that you are taking (getting out of bed in the morning compared to the extremely unlikely possibility of falling to your death). The key is to seek out the latter and avoid the former. Heads - I win; tails - I don’t lose much. Those are the scenarios that you want in life.
7. Use your brain (think before you act and speak).
Very rarely in life will you have to literally and simply react. The vast majority of the time, you will have the opportunity to think before you act or speak. Words and actions cannot be recalled. You are smarter and more intellectually capable than at least 90% of the population - use your advantage. If someone can make you speak or act without your using your most powerful tool, they have beaten you. If you lose because someone just beat you, that’s fine. But don’t beat yourself.
8. Trust nobody; question everything.
People lie. And most of the time it’s not even on purpose. People lie to themselves more frequently and more terribly than they do to other people. Even worse and more prevalent than the outright lie is the tricks our memories play on us. There is actual research showing that people’s memories of events will change over time based on their own personal biases toward the event in question.
Much of what passes for science these days is biased (or outright fraudulently represented) based on what results various funding organizations want to see. A significant portion of research is simply badly done - ridiculously small sample sizes, peer review that amounts to an awful joke (after all, if you want funding, you have to agree with the scientist who says what the funding agent want to see), badly misinterpreted statistics, the list goes on. And history, ugh. Go read a few primary sources on something as basic as the American revolution, and see if it agrees with what you were taught in school.
The point is, there’s a decent chance that most of what you hear - unless it’s hard, laboratory repeatable science, has a decent chance of being utter bullshit. Feel free to listen and read, regurgitate as necessary, but never discount that it might be completely incorrect.
9. Be a contrarian. (Don't do what everyone else does; winding up like everyone else sucks.)
Unless you want to be like everybody else, don’t do what everybody else does. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results every time. If you act like everybody else, you’re going to wind up like everybody else. Look around. You are already better than those people. Why in the hell would you want to be more like them?
One of the most productive things that you can do in life is to consistently fade the herd. When a crowd turns into a herd where there is no longer any opposition, it’s most likely that that crowd is doing something insane. Remember, people are stupid. Most crowds (and it becomes more true the more they all agree with each other) are the stupid leading the stupid. Don’t participate in stupidity.
10. There are no selfless acts.
Human nature is self-seeking. There's no escaping it. Even people who appear to be selfless are doing so out of self interest. At the very least, they are either acting out of some sense of guilt (avoidance of pain) or due to the fact that it makes them feel good. Whatever the reason, the motive for EVERY action is selfish in some way or other. It's not good or bad, it just is. And that's sorta the point - selfishness IS NOT bad. You should never feel bad about being selfish. Guilt is only as powerful as you allow it to be. When you refuse to agree that acting in your own interests is wrong, you can no longer be emotionally bullied or manipulated. Come to terms with the truth about the motivation of all human behavior, and you will be MUCH happier.
to be continued...
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